Tuesday, January 16, 2007

EMAIL!

Dear Shifra isn't the only one who gets mail you know, I also gets loads of email.

I love the attention of course, but it's the same things over and over again.

And it's getting OLD, people!

The women want to know how to be like me, or hate me for for being beautiful - like on that Pantene commercial (both the shampoo AND the commercials are both personal faves!)

Some men who write me want to give me mussar while the rest just want me!
And I don't know what's worse! Nebach. Totally.

Anyway, if you wrote to me and I didn't answer you, I want to say I'm sorry.
I have a life you know and I can't spend all day on the computer like some of you.

Men: based on the emails I've received from you I don't think there is ANYTHING I could possibly write here the would help you except maybe to tell you to get off the computer, take a shower, and give your wife some attention. If you paid half as much attention to her as you do to blogging or sending me email, and made her feel a little better about herself, then maybe she could be a Hot Chanie too someday (maybe!)

So here are some tips from yours truly for the ladies.

Looking good IS my job and it should be yours as well. It takes time and effort, and yes money, but aren't you worth it?! (another commercial!)

1. Comfortable is not fashionable.

Snoods might be comfortable (the only time I ever wore one was in the maternity ward giving birth and believe me I was NOT comfortable!) and tichels might be the in thing but ladies (and trust me on this) you do NOT look good look good in snoods or tichels. You look like you belong in a hospital or a nursing home. Check out your shoes too, rubber soles are a total no-no unless you're at the gym (and I hope you work out at the gum at least twice a week, as Hot Chanie does).

2. I HAVE to ask, why do so many Frum women look like they are stuck in the 80's?

Don't you know that NO ONE is wearing a bob with thick bangs anymore? Shoulder pads? Boxy Cardigans? Blazers? Blue eyeliner? Come ON people. If you don't feel comfortable in anything but a sack then PLEASE get some help. I'd give you the name of my personal trainer, but she's booked till after Pesach (can you say F-L-O-R-I-D-A?)

Pick up a few fashion magazines to flip through while you work out. Sure a lot of the fashions are anything but tznius but with a little imagination you can "make it work." DH makes fun of me for subscribing to so many magazines - he says they are all the same! But that doesn't seem to stop him from checking them out when he thinks I'm not looking!

OK I have to go now. Keep emailing, but at least please TRY to be interesting.

Have a wonderful shabbos!

*Hugs*

Hot Chanie

7 comments:

Genevieve said...

Hot Chanie, I've tried to write interesting emails. As I told you, you are my role model,and i'd love your fashion and sheitel advice!

JewishBiFemme said...

Something is a tad bit odd with your blog!

Read a mag while working out???!! HELL NO!! That is for lazy people who work out cause they are forced to by their man.

Put on your I-pod with banging music and RUN RUN RUN...

Sorry you sound like a guy you know nothing about fashion my dear!!

Hotter-than-Chanie said...

I have to agree with Jewishbifemme.
Pantene? Honey, any Hot Chanie in training knows that Pantene is the shampoo for girls who jump in the shower right before getting on the bus and come to school with their hair in a wet bun (tsssss).
So next time that you're walking on your treadmill at a speed of 2.1 (2.6 when you're feeling deliciously crazy), reading In Style and crying over the fact that yes, Nick and Jessica are O-V-E-R (I know you had so much faith in them as a couple sweety, but sometimes we just have to look the pain and disappointment in the eye and move on), skip over the Pantene ad - in fact, slowly rip out one page at a time and throw them on the floor one by one, and then maybe your body will be ever so slightly on the way to being hot. But I digress.
You are definitely either a guy, or a chick who is so far off from being a hot Chanie, that she actually thinks it is something to strive for ("The women want to know how to be like me, or hate me for for being beautiful" ?? Dream on darling Chanala). It's a cruel world out there snookums, but just hang in there.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with the last commenter.. dont flatter yourself so much Chana or is it Chaim..

Married and Navigating Jewish Brooklyn said...

Loving the posts, wishing that you were actually posting more.

frumbabe said...

can you recomend a good lingerie store for me in the hood? thanx

Anonymous said...

honey.....short bobs with bangs are acutally 'in'. get up to date girl. There isnt a chic women who doesnt know that! sorry chaim but that just gave you away.